I broke three of my rules this week
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It’s 9 pm and I’m still working.
That’s rule number one broken: I don’t work in the evenings.
But here I am, marking.
It’s rare.
I can count on two hands the number of times I’ve done this in the last decade (it’s usually marking and grant deadlines). But since going part-time, the deadlines haven’t gone part-time with me. I’ve still got the same module, the same workload, but only 12 working days to turn the marking around.
And I’m going on holiday for a week this time.
So I made a decision: I’d work late. I’m at peace with it. I’ll take the time back.
But that wasn’t the only rule I broke.
Rule two: I don’t work at the weekend.
Rule three: I don’t work in front of my child.
Yet on Saturday morning, the day we were leaving for holiday, I still hadn’t finished.
My three year old son woke up at 5.30am (as usual). I put on YouTube (these mental traffic light videos he likes) and marked for two hours.
This is not want I wanted, because not working in front of my child is a rule I have. It’s a hard boundary for me.
It’s something I decided when he was born. Not to multi-task work around my kid. I believe presence matters. I want to model something different to what we’ve come to accept. I don’t want him to grow up thinking it’s normal to work through every hour of the day, whether it’s going through emails during his swimming class, or bashing through some work at the dinner table. I’m not OK with it.
I believe we always have a choice, even if the options are hard. And if this annoys you and you think you don’t have the choice or the luxury, I want to offer that reclaiming that choice is part of taking your power back in a system that trains you to forget you have any. Your choice might be:
✅ I’m choosing to work full-time so I can afford the life I want for my family.
✅ As a single mum, I sometimes choose to work in front of my child, because right now, that’s what allows us to stay financially stable. I don’t love it, but I own it.
✅ I choose to take on extra projects this term because I want to build my promotion case. So I’m rearranging other parts of my life to make space for that.
✅ I choose to let emails wait until Monday because my weekends are for rest, me time and loved ones, and I’m letting that be enough.
✅ I’m choosing to work at 9 pm tonight because I’m going on holiday tomorrow, and I’d rather do this now than stress on the plane.
This isn’t about guilt or judgement. It’s about agency.
And asking ourselves, “This happened, and do I want it to happen again?”
And if not, what needs to change next time?
Because yes, elite careers like academia will sometimes ask for more.
We get to decide how and when we give it.
And if we work over our contracted hours, we absolutely get to take it back.
